A Journal of sorts

First post so I will keep it short and sweet.

Welcome to my journal. I didn’t think I would be writing it to the world, but hey, I am a small enough fish that the number of eyes on this will be few to none. And if not, enter radical vulnerability. You see, I struggle with being vulnerable. You too? So I thought I would take a big step into a vast ocean.

Recently -read near 2 years- I have been dating a widower. It is getting serious as we march to what will likely be the flaming end of our relationship. More on that later. And I have wanted to share, and vent, and scream, and cry even as I laugh and experience a love that has felt so profound and yet so effervescently shallow. I find it overwhelms me, consumes me, leaves me unbearably full and yet utterly bereft.

You see, I have come to realise his love for me can only reach where the grief begins. That is to say it is an ebb and flow, some days he loves me deep as the ocean and others it feels like low tide and I am a left choking and exposed. Although most days, most days, it is the crashing of the waves that get me. The meeting of fantasy with reality; frothy, harsh waves driving into the shoreline, disrupting the seaweed, teasing the tidal pool and thrashing the rocks.

I will be writing what I don’t know, what I wish I knew, and most importantly what I feel. You see dear journal, this won’t be original but it will be authentic and here I will welcome my vulnerability for the ride.

-Vulnerably Me x